Saturday, September 5, 2015


magazine "Maxim")

If you periodically overcome the idea that no one likes you, and you do not need anyone, you, of course, wrong. Around full of passionate lovers of you who dream to get acquainted with your rich inner world closer.
Text: Guy Seregin, Kim Gavrilovic

 1   Costa Rican Chalcid kamikaze 
Costa Rican Chalcid kamikaze
Many riders Chalcids family lay their eggs in the bodies of mammals, but only the individual feels a special love for the man. Read more about the customs of all the rider can tell Michael Kentrell, a farmer from New England. The poor man's ear Chalcid stung and stung so badly that another two weeks ear ached unbearably and ceased to hear anything. But in the third week, at night, the wife of Michael, wake up and turn on the light, discovered that her husband's ear on the pillow young tvaryushki crawl. Emergency surgery saved the life of a farmer - from his ear seized 400 grams of larvae that are ready to transform into adults. If this had happened, the farmer and the head just exploded from the inside.

 2   Vandelli  
In an environment of cultural savvy people all the time there are discussions: is the Creator of All That sense of humor or not. The question remains open. But he has no conscience and was not, that's for sure.Otherwise, no Vandelli in nature do not exist.
Meet. Troop Siluriformes, family Pygididae. Vandelli catfish - a muck of a millimeter wide and three or four a length of about five centimeters, transparent like jelly. Live swine Vandelli in South America, although, according to some ichthyologists, its habitats are suitable for any warm-freezing waters. So if you want Vandelli can be comfortably placed in the south of Europe, Asia, and Africa, and the one who does it will be the greatest terrorist of all time, pereplyunuvshego Lenin and Osama bin Laden.Vandelli swim in places where large mammals, such as watering and beaches, and sniffs. On the snout it has receptors that react to the smell of urea. Smelling the aroma of urine Vandelli rushing to the source of fragrance, and gets into the urinary channel. In the gills she has bone hooks with which it clings to the walls of the channel and is attached to it so tightly that it is impossible to remove Vandelli there. Sitting in the penis, Vandelli spins, rips hooks around the body and feeds on the blood flowing into the mouth - the victim at this time experiencing the torments of hell. Remove Vandelli possible only through a complex surgery. However, the natives of the Amazon battling with cute fish using infusions of poisonous plants in a pot which they lowered the affected organ. The penis is not going to benefit - the poison eats away at the skin, which leads to intoxication, but Vandelli dies, and its carcass for a few days and decomposed dissolved. And the natives never, ever urinate in the water - this is the best way to attract flocks of Vandelli *.
* - Note Phacochoerus'a Funtik: 
"I would recommend to plant Vandelli public pools!"

 3   Tiger 
The largest predator of the cat family. The size of up to 2.8 meters in length, weight - 400 kilograms.Every tenth of a tiger (no matter - the Bengal, Amur and Sumatran) somehow becomes a man-eater, and everything in the world prefers human flesh, while the other nine of his relatives in every way to ignore this delicacy and even killing a man in a fit of rage, never trying at the same time he and dine .

 4   ticks krasnotelka 
Distributed worldwide. It looks unattractive and quietly - for a hair on his arm mites can hide you for sequoia. You can easily pick krasnotelok somewhere in nature: they usually throw your feet, get on the ankle, then pluck and climb under the clothes, picking up closer to the body. Reaching the skin, they take a bite into her hole, pour the liquid to thin the blood, and drink the resulting cocktail.

 5   Bear 
Good teddy bear, whom you once loved to feed gruel from a spoon, just like you, and grew furious.The share of the bears have to attack every six mammal per person, resulting in death. They overtake on this indicator, even lions and jaguars. And bears are attacking not only out of fear or defending territory Potapov Bruins - cannibals, which sometimes are not averse to diversify your diet honey ant strayed mushroom picker. Rating bears on the degree of danger to humans - white, grizzly, brown, black. However, the latter two species are dangerous to humans only in the winter, and especially towards the end of February - beginning of March, when the snow is still holding, and grass roots there, and reserve fat A perfect already.

 6   Subcutaneous Worm 
It is found in Africa and Yemen. I do not go to Africa and Yemen. And if you accidentally be buried there, drink only bottled water. And do not you dare open your mouth, if you will swim. And it is better not to swim. No, it does not have paranoia, it is in Africa and Yemen subcutaneous worms. You're alone we have read and understand.
So, along with the raw water you can swallow some water fleas infected with the parasite. Fleas - this is nonsense, they just digested in the gastric juice. The larvae of the parasite this juice profoundly indifferent. They are introduced into the tissue and grow, reaching a half meters in length. Somehow, like worms in a victim to wind up in pairs. About a year later the couple happens to love, after which the male completes his earthly existence, and the female starts to look for a way out. We drive the body's tissues, it comes down to the foot, and it makes a hole. The foot is inflamed, there appears a tumor that eventually opened and the worm begins to slowly crawl out. The ceremonial release of the week may continue, all this is accompanied by severe pain and whitish discharge that contain millions of dangerous larvae.

 7   hookworm  
It is being distributed worldwide. That is, wherever you are now may be, she is near. Its larvae patiently sitting in the ground and waiting for when they come bare foot. Once this occurs, microscopic hookworm sacrificed introduced through pores crawls into blood vessels in the lungs and out the mouth. And finally, the long road home is completed - together with the food ingested larvae get to the gastrointestinal tract. Here, in the small intestine, parasites ripen, grow long teeth and cling to the blood vessels - drink warm and delicious blood. Now their existence is rosy: it is warm, cozy, the food itself is poured into wide open mouth, with no hassle offspring - lay eggs sent to an independent life with the waste digestion. A person with hookworm can guess about it on the following grounds:
- he has anemia;
- want to eat all sorts of rubbish. For example, chalk, clay, and even here this wonderful juicy piece of drywall, please!
- He was always tired and wanted to sleep all the time.
In time handed over analyzes and competently conducted hookworm treatment will not leave any chance.

 8   Bacteria 
When you have once again come up with the idea that anyone-de from you no good there, think about bacteria. Billions of tiny creatures Fine at this very moment doing what you eat carefully, both inside and outside. And in the end did eat at all. But you do not take offense to them, without them you would not have a chance to live up to that point, and in general to be born. Because it is the bacteria and create organic life on this planet.

 9   Crow 
These cunning and predatory birds are intelligent enough not to attack adults and strong people. But never leave the stroller with a baby on the balcony unattended. And then there were such cases ... However, you do not want to know about it. No, really, you do not want. anyway, we somehow just did not want to describe these cases.

 10   Anaconda 
In principle, these huge (up to 16 meters) water snakes feed on monkeys. But they have poor eyesight, and if a long time to sleep at night, do not shave or wash, then we can become the victim of a large boa constrictor.

 11   Midge 
The smell of delicious and healthy human female mosquito can smell three kilometers. But it is, of course, the child compared with the Siberian midges receptors that differ marvelous symphony of aromas exude your body, as many as ten kilometers. Not surprisingly, this imperious call of nature for half an hour is able to gather several million humming tiny ogres with all the taiga. No, a man dressed, shrugs and armed repellents they can not eat the whole. But while popular among Siberian Atamans executions - tying guilty naked in the forest - midge eats up the skeleton of the body in just a day or two.

 12   Louse 
"Either socialism will triumph lice or louse will defeat socialism," - he said at the time, VI Lenin. Lice, as you see, is still alive and well.

 13   Crocodile 
Information from Australian news site "Tudey": "22-year-old Brett Mann was killed by a huge saltwater crocodiles in the river Finniss when his friends stopped at the river to wash the bikes had to be carried over fast. Two of his friends also had 22 hours to sit in a tree in the midst of the floods to escape from aggressive animals until they were dropped by helicopter rescue. Part of the remains of Brett Mann, not eaten by a crocodile could be hidden them, and is now continuing the search. " And the news appearing in the Australian press about once a month. The most dangerous for the human species of crocodiles - Nile and comb (krokodilus porossus). Together they consume in a year about twenty Homo sapiens.

 14   Brain parasite 
Brain parasite
Two eternal torments us riddles - is why women are so fond of cats and how the female logic. As it turned out, these phenomena are completely interrelated. According to the Ministry of Health of the United Kingdom, and 40% of cat owners in the country are suffering from toxoplasmosis - a disease caused by a brain parasite that gets people from cats. True, it is not completely understood, these parasites affect the brain, except that live there. But common symptoms are well known: if you are tormented by years of nagging cold - with a runny nose, redness of the throat and weakness - it is likely that there is not cause drafts and snow leopard. As there have been Bulgakov? "Yesterday cats strangled, suffocated, strangled, choked ..."

 15   thermo-ghost 
Very, very interesting life form. Tiny translucent ants living in Australia and the US are building their nests, nests in the roots of trees. But only those who are not lucky to meet on its way large mammals such as humans. If fortune smiled, they lined wedge and a journey on foot encountered strongly climbing higher and higher until you get to the anus. Having sung the order for "the whole world in the palm of you happy and it 'termite ghost dives into this cozy, delicious-smelling cave and begins to settle. From some of the victims of the rectum removed termite mounds and a half to two kilograms of weight to the number of inhabitants of more than twenty or thirty thousand. What are they all eat, I think, no need to explain - more interesting. As the victim managed to termites for years did not see a doctor, if you know that the main symptom of termite infestation - is "intolerable, burning itching in the anus?"

 16   Jean Bokassa Bidel 
Jean Bokassa Bidel
Somehow, in some countries, people's attitude to the governor looks like a woman's behavior, believing that "has - it means love." Take, for example (no, not what you're thinking. How likes to say our guide: «MAXIM - Journal politically neutral"), Central African Republic. And its president (and later Emperor) Bidelya Jean Bokassa. The people he loved her, really badly - in Fried, with gravy and a spicy sauce. Cook Bokassa masterly cooked human flesh, and there was no shortage of supply. Often the imperial table got political opponents, disgraced ministers and dangerous war, but the people it was dry and hard. So, under the special supervision of the Emperor was actively conducted the work with minors.
We'll see who on this planet the most voracious.  - 1500 edible insect species.
- 2897 species of edible plants. 
- 1.5 million. Animal species on earth of all people, and, if desired, can eat almost every. 
- 2 000 species edible mushrooms.
- About 10 000 species of edible marine life.
When in January 1979 in the CAR capital of Bangui was a demonstration of students protesting against the fact that they were made for the big money to buy a very bad shape with a personal factory Bokassa, was arrested in the city of more than a hundred children aged 6 to 16 years. Forty of them told the emperor went to the kitchen and the rest laid related to the square in front of the palace and personally moved several times in the truck. However, it was the last straw. No, not the people rebelled. The people of silent admiration. But France, the former sovereign of the CAR, has decided to put an end to this culinary excesses, and in September 1979 the French troops captured Bangui and overthrew the emperor gourmet.However, no trial has not taken place: Cannibal in France, lived quietly in his own castle, and in 1986 his candidacy even again nominated for the presidency of the Central African Republic.And the people of the Central African Republic strongly welcomed the return of Bokassa. And how? Under his order was. Yes, we ate, flogged and buried alive. Yes, there was a terrible famine and monstrous unemployment. But it was a real emperor. Master.
Well, you know. Not that this democratic shelupon that we slip rotten West. Bokassa reelected and did not - his liver appeared smarter than most of the population and the CAR pretty tough way to end the existence of the owner at the end of 1986.

 17   Wolf  
Brown wolves the most aggressive and not afraid of people. Although it is said that a normal human wolf will never attack. But hungry ... Fifth place in the hit parade lyudoedov- mammals occupy exactly the wolves.

 18   Bovine tapeworm 
Bovine tapeworm
Most likely to be reduced with chain close acquaintance with fans steak with blood, as the parasite enters the body with neprozharennoe meat. Tapeworm itself behaves more or less decent, does not devour its prey inside and sucks the blood out of it. Maybe he would like to but can not. Because he does not have the digestive tract. So there has to digest human and worm simply absorbs through the surface of the body nutrients. And increasing. Can vymahal up to eight meters. Etch tapeworm today quite easily, the main thing - not to self-medicate, and as soon as symptoms of worm infestation (weight loss, weakness, dizziness), to go to the doctor.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        19   Cockroach 
If the home is soulless, inhospitable host cockroaches can not find any crumbs edible, small animals still manage to survive. At night, hungry cockroaches come to bite sleeping humans and their feet. That is not entirely. Just for tiny pieces of epidermis to bite off my toes.

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